Losing More Than A Year’s Worth of Memories
By The Parodist | July 5, 2007
I lost my journal a couple of weeks ago. It was catastrophic. I’m not kidding. Apart from the fact that I bought that journal when I was in Australia, it holds more than a year’s worth of memories. It was heartbreak. Believe me, I was so close to tears.
One thing that should be said about me is that I’m an avid journal writer. I know I already have a blog to act as a journal but I’m old-school. I prefer a pen and a paper to capture my thoughts. My dreams. My anguish. My bliss. That journal is a written “me” at my barest, naked self. Which was the main reason why I was extremely frantic when I realised that I went home (yes, I was already at home when I realised that I had lost it) without my precious journal. Arrggh. I’m barely sane as I write this — imagine me fighting off the need to throw a BF, aka bitch fit (people who’ve seen White Chicks — I absolutely love that movie! — will be able to relate).
I started journal writing back when it was still called “diaries” and yes, I did start my entries with “Dear Diary” but no, Carlo did NOT sit beside me that day or any other day for that matter nor did I find him cute, er, except that Carlo I had a crush on when I was in first grade. LOL. I reckon I was around 9 years old. I used to own the hardbound with lock and key kind (I think I still have it though hidden in my old room in the house where I grew up in). Last time I looked at it, I had to laugh at my grammar and penmanship, twas all big, rounded scripts. Hehe. Gotta love the things you did as a little kid, huh? Anyway, I was pretty erratic in keeping journals then but when I got to my 3rd year in Uni, I picked it up again. To date, I already amassed a total of 7 journals, one got lost 3/4 of the way and I’m currently on my 8th journal. So, to give you a look at how long it has been, twas from 1997 - present. Hep, hep. Don’t even try to compute for my age. Heh. LOL.
Going back to the lost journal, I did try to find it but it was a difficult thing to do. I had been to several locations in MOA and the SM head office where I conducted a blogging training with Aileen and Jose Ma. Vicente. Bottomline, I just wasn’t sure where I had left it. I had wanted to kick myself. Over and over. And over. Grrr.
Funny, though, Rico gave a sort of surprise gift a few weeks back (before my journal got lost). It was a Moleskine® (I suggest you check the site out to get better acquainted with the brand). He knew that it’s on my wishlist and I’ve been looking to buy one for myself. He went ahead, with a tip from Karla of PinoyCentric, and bought me one. I was so thrilled when I had the notebook in my hand! Trouble at that time was that I knew I had to wait till I finish my present journal before I’d be able to use it. What were the chances, yeah?
Twas the first time that I’d start an entry on my new journal on a sad note, with the news of the last journal lost. Gah. I couldn’t even celebrate it. It actually doubled my sadness. Sniff. Bad, bad memory. Sigh.
However, with every loss, the next is twice better. Perhaps this time, the journal will be filled with happier thoughts, dreams fulfilled and creation of new dreams, and yea, I wouldn’t part with it. It’s always better to think happy thoughts and look at the brighter side of things instead of dwelling on what’s lost. It’ll just bring your spirit into a state of despair. You really wouldn’t want that, now, would you?
Open that journal and look at that blank page. It’s new and open to endless possibilities. It simply means you are now entitled to a fresh start. A clean slate. Isn’t it wonderful? In life, we sometimes fail to notice all the second chances that God gives us. It’s a clear manifestation of his awesome love, don’t you think? At the cost of losing a year’s worth of memories is a opportunity to make new ones.
Who would’ve thought that there’s wisdom in all of these? But yea, in fact, God can communicate with you in various ways, all you got to do is take the time to listen esp with your heart. That’s why I’ve learned to accept my loss.
Do you still keep a journal apart from your blog? What do you think are the benefits of keeping either one? Are you partial to the former or to the latter? Why? Ever lost a journal? Too many questions coming from a nosy blogger, I know. Hehehe. Oh, I just want to talk about it, that’s all. 
Photo © 2007 Sasha Manuel
Topics: Mood Notes, Philosophy & Paradox, Writing |
July 5th, 2007 at 6:01 am
During the years I wasn’t serial blogging, I was journaling. I wrote on just anything I could get my hands on (at the time I didn’t have access to Moleskine), but I like the idea that if I die, I can pass on my notebooks to my kids (yes, I plan to have another one pa! SOON!)and they’ll have a crazy time laughing about my bad choice in men. LOL.
I like the sentimentality of going through old notebooks. Just the other day, I went through diaries of 2004 and 2005–of course, I didn’t document each day faithfully, but there were notes I made that only I knew (and it tickled me pink), asterisks to days that meant they were special, and giddy comments all over. I know each page well, and sometimes I skip the sad parts because a lot of them still make me cry.
Incidentally, I’m turning into a notebook whore! Just got another NEW notebook from Rhodia (a plug here for my special bud Norman’s http://www.rhodiadrive.com). It’s got a wider range of supplies. But I thought I’d finish my Moleskine first before moving on and trying out another brand.
Never lost a journal, and I dread the idea. Maybe I should get a safe for them? OA?!
My Moleskine was glad to have met yours.
First time to see a Pinoy Moleskine!
TC.
July 5th, 2007 at 8:47 am
I tried maintaining a journal once. But thanks to my computer-filled youth, I simply can’t write a lot with “mere” pen and paper. Once I discovered Mr. Keyboard, my life changed forever.
For some reason, I was never comfortable writing down my deepest darkest secrets. Someone might find it and use the words against me. Which is why you’ll (the others I mean) never find out about *tooot* or *beeeep* or even *eeeeeee****. I’m paranoid that way.
Nice pic of the Moleskine btw. Love how the light hits the subject.
July 5th, 2007 at 9:09 am
How sweet of Rico! That is a precious gift. I first wrote a journal when I was 10 years old. I still have it, can you believe it? Then one of my most precious journal is that of the memories of my 7 year relationship with my boyfriend who happens to be my dear husband. I wrote there the day I met him, the day we were a couple, the times we fought and made up. The times we dreamt of having babies and marraige. Everything about our sappy romance is recorded. 29 years later, I still read it just to relive those wonderful days and remember the love and passion which we carry to this day. Keep on writing.
July 5th, 2007 at 11:01 am
I keep a commonplace book and a sketchbook. Mostly in the form of blank books and journals. At present I am using a flexible notebook perfect for commonplacing.
July 5th, 2007 at 11:38 am
I still write in a notebook (not really a journal) from time to time, but hardly. Am just trying to find use for all the planners I get every Christmas, hehe. Blogging suffices it for moi.
It’s admirable how you’re keeping the fine art of writing though. Btw, sorry I wasn’t able to make it to TOA Sasha..got tied up with some dinner and ran out of time. A million tnx for the invite
July 5th, 2007 at 2:43 pm
imagine my devastation when my entire archive was deleted. haha. sh*t.
July 5th, 2007 at 5:50 pm
ang sweet naman ni ricowums!
you can buy more moleskines in fully booked (Bonifacio High St.) or order from longbeard sa PhilMUG.
i have 4 more unused cahier journals if you wanna buy them haha!
July 5th, 2007 at 6:31 pm
I really can’t write on a manual journal/diary/blog anymore. My hand hurts after any extended holding of a pen. Even chopsticks.
But I do have a secret online journal where I post really personal stuff. That’s why my blog, despite being a “personal” blog, is actually more like a newspaper column than a diary.
We all go through loss. I had a hard disk crash with a lot of my documents in there so I can relate. Unfortunately with a real paper journal, there’s no real back-up to be made (unless you want to photocopy it every month, hehehe).
July 5th, 2007 at 9:27 pm
off topic: you’re on project manila na. hope you like your photo
July 6th, 2007 at 4:02 am
Karla: I know what you mean. I even kid about publishing my journals after I die. LOL. Of course, that will not happen. Who would want to read it anyway?
Yea, journals have that sentimental value that’s priceless. I like my kids to get a glimpse of what I was like when I was younger like how I got a glimpse of my mum when I read hers. Hehe. Thanks for sharing that new brand of notebooks. More options are always good. I still can’t believe that it’s the first time your Moleskine to ever “meet” another Moleskine in the country. Good thing I bought mine with me that night! 
That’s so sweet. Do you let your kids read that particular journal? I used to do that with, er, old boyfriends (not that they were many!) but I found it hard to look back to that’s why I dropped the practice. You reckon I should still do it?
Rico: Thanks, sweetie! I do my best to do good in the craft. Hmmm. Don’t you think it will help you make sense of emotional stuff or even organise thoughts if you keep a journal? Or is it a guy thing? Not journaling, I mean.
Noemi: Yea, he is, isn’t he? I’ve got to count my blessings more often.
Juned: What do you mean by “commonplace” or “commonplacing”? Eeep. Sorry. I’m kinda lost. Is it like using a notebook/blank book to keep every thought (blog fodders, quotes you come across, random ideas), data (name, contact info, to do list, schedules), and, on occasion, scribbles and doodles? A sketchbook is nice. I used to do a lot of sketching when I was younger. Dropped it cuz I got frustrated. LOL.
I still have that old sketchbook, though.
Ajay: I guess, if a person’s really busy, it’s hard to find time to keep a journal. But, hey, since you’re planning to take some time off blogging, perhaps it’s a good idea to pick up that pen and work at it again! It’s always good to spend time writing and thinking. It really helps. No worries about the Taste Asia event! Wish you’d been there, though. There’s always a next time so it’s cool.
Rick: Yes, I was saddened by it to the point that when I found out I even told Aileen about it! Darn hackers. Grrr. Thanks for the post and the photo! Twas cool and sweet! Galeeng!
You’re selling Moleskines? That’s cool. I’m actually looking to buy another one. Is it the large, plain one? How much are you selling them? 
Photocopy a journal? Good to get a backup copy that’s for sure but it’ll lose its “value” since holding the actual notebook is part of the “presentation” know what I mean? Good idea, though.
Jayvee: Yes, Rico IS sweet.
Eugene: Ooooh. A secret online journal. What are the chances that it’s cached in Google, you think? Hehe.
July 6th, 2007 at 4:57 pm
How frustrating to lose a journal! Great to get a new, fresh start, though.
I lost all my old journals in a move when I was 18 years old. It was heartbreaking at first but it’s been more than 10 years now and it’s alright. Funny thing is that it led me to realize that journaling is not about the keeping or records or the memories. It’s the writing, the emptying, the putting away of thoughts, fears, anxieties, frustrations, and dreams so I can live bigger and better in the world today.
July 7th, 2007 at 1:51 am
notablogger: Dear me, all of them? It must have took a lot from you to get at it again. Great way of looking at journaling. I like it that you used, “emptying” cuz it fits. I may have felt that way when writing but never really thought about it ’til now. I know it helps that I let thoughts and emotions out but failed to really consider why it felt that good to do so and, more so, the after effects. So, thanks!
July 7th, 2007 at 4:08 am
[...] On this post, let’s talk about the first one, an adorable Tote, which I came across earlier in the week. I’ve been out on a hunt for that perfect bag to house my wallet, vanity kit, Moleskine®, notebook (yea, old-school reporter style), a book or two, pens (yes, I often bring a couple), hair brush, sunnies, mobile phone, and my huge-ass camera, complete with extra kits (and soon, a speedlite). Gah. Imagine carry all that with an 88-pound frame. LOL. Well, this was the reason why I begged my younger brother for that Kenneth Cole Tote, still do actually. Hehe. [...]
July 8th, 2007 at 8:36 pm
I keep journals too, ever since that “Dear Diary” came out.
I stopped keeping one when my family would try to read it but now they don’t so I feel safer writing on them. Right now I kind of stopped, but it’s mostly because I’m tired when I get home and don’t make enough time to write in it. Although I did notice a little pattern in my writing: I write more when I have a lot of things to think about…most especially about love matters. =))
Too bad about you losing your journal.
But I agree with what you wrote. It’s comforting to know that we are given another chance (and new mercies) everyday. 
July 9th, 2007 at 8:54 am
I’m always glad to find a fellow journaller. It’s not a forgotten craft after all!
I’ve kept a diary on and off through the years. I’ve always had a thing for paper. Though I now blog and actually type faster than I write, I just can’t stay away from real pages.
I learned about Moleskines a few months ago, and promptly got me some. I’m still not using one for my journal, but it’s inspired me to resume writing daily. I can’t wait to fill up my current journal, so I can start on a new one (Moleskine of course!). I also carry a pocket Moleskine and a cahier everywhere. It’s both a tool and an inspiration in pursuing a dream.
To answer your question, I have not lost a journal ever, thank goodness. When I had a major move a few years ago, I had my old stuff burned, including my diaries. There was just too much personal stuff in them that I was afraid they’d be read by someone else. I don’t regret doing that, because some things are just meant to stay between me and my written pages.
July 9th, 2007 at 11:32 am
My secret journal is not cached, that’s for sure. I made sure that everything’s password protected and I give close friends “access accounts.”
July 9th, 2007 at 4:40 pm
Its similar to a Grimoire. It is an assortment of opinion, notes, knowledge and other stuff.
July 10th, 2007 at 12:59 pm
Tina: I reckon we write more if our emotions are in turmoil. But you’ll notice that you’ll write more if you find yourself alone at a cafe, perhaps reading a book, your mind is quite active and you’ll be thankful that you have your journal to write these thoughts down.
Dear me. I’m too attached to my journals and the idea of burning them gives me goose pimples. Ack. I still read my journals sometimes and I often use them as a form of reference to dreams and various thoughts that I want to reinforce in me. 
Maricar: Glad you found me then.
Eugene: Good on ‘ya then! So this secret online journal can be read by a select few, eh? I simply can’t bring myself to let other people read my journal.
Juned: Arrggh. Yet another word that’s not in my vocabulary. But! I found it here. Hehe. Nice.
July 11th, 2007 at 4:35 pm
I’m the same way with my Journals! I’ve not lost one though - but had to throw one away - to forget and to move on. It was really hard but I HAD to do it.
Will link you up!
July 11th, 2007 at 5:00 pm
Didi: I can’t imagine throwing away any of my blogs and/or journals (but then again I can’t say that I won’t in the future, yeah?). That must be really hard for you. Thanks for dropping by and thanks for the link.
July 14th, 2007 at 8:36 pm
I personally belive that things happen for something. Maybe, there was to much pain or bad memories there and is a sign to open a new time in your Life.
I am sorry about your lost, but begin again with energy! I wish you a lot of positive things you can write in the new notebok !
Lots of hugs,
Lili
pd.: sorry for my poor English!
July 14th, 2007 at 8:37 pm
sorry again, notebook!;-)
July 20th, 2007 at 3:30 pm
I have been keeping my journals inside an old brief case for the last 8 years. Recently I moved and last night I realized that I didn’t have that brief case. I went ballistic searching my home from room to room till 3 am. I called everyone that helped me moved today but no luck. Once I got home from work I went to the garage and started to REALLY look hard and found it behind some boxes. It was all there. I have one journal back from 1985 when I was in school. It felt as if a good friend had died.
August 10th, 2007 at 10:06 am
Lili: You can’t be more right. Things do happen for a reason, good or bad, time and our own will can tell. Thanks for the kind thoughts.
~ Sasha
Henry G: “It felt as if a good friend had died.” Did you mean when you thought you lost the briefcase? If yes then I understand what you mean since it somehow felt that way. I find it hard to handle loss sometimes.
Thanks for sharing your own story, though. 
~ Sasha
October 5th, 2007 at 11:01 pm
[...] That’s why I’ve decided to buy one of those thick yet compact notebooks (a Moleskine perhaps?) and a pen, and keep them near me at all times. They’ll make writing down ideas a simple matter of quickly scrawling some thoughts on the notebook, making sure that the interruption won’t be too disruptive to my productivity. At the same time, I’ll never experience the frustration associated with forgetting great ideas. [...]
November 16th, 2007 at 1:07 am
I also experienced loosing a journal. But in my case,it was my old 6800 phone. It has a notes feature that allowed me to write as long as a 3000-character notes. I had the phone for 1 and half years when it was stolen from me by a laglag barya gang. It contains almost 2 years of realizations, hopes and dreams.
I almost cried, not for the phone but for my journal entries. Ang dami kasi nun. priceless.
December 15th, 2007 at 7:26 am
[...] Interesting Bits I know I already got a Moleskine for a journal a while back, I still wishing for a smaller size (24) Moleskine for note-taking on the go. While we’re on the topic of writing, I’ve always dreamed of owning a (25) fountain pen. To satisfy the reader in me, I looking to get a copy of a couple of Jane Austen’s novels, (26) Emma and (27) Persuasion. Oh, make that three cuz I want a copy of (28) Mansfield Park, too. [...]
December 27th, 2007 at 8:38 am
[...] July Losing More Than A Year’s Worth of Memories Clique Booth. Made All the Difference. Definitely. The Parodist Gets A Beauty Bento Box! Two Days of Fashion, Styling and Blogging A post that got featured in Moleskinerie. Fabulous time with Clique Booth, cam-whoring! LOL. I added ‘beauty blogger’ to the various blogger hats I’ve managed to amass. And my styling got featured on ABSCBN (yea, was on morning TV). How cool is that? Hehehe. [...]
July 7th, 2008 at 12:43 am
Vinci: Yea, what’s really important is the things you can never replace. Memories fade. Somehow, these things (whatever the medium maybe) help us hold on to these memories. They’re a part of who we are. It helps us understand ourselves during times when we ask the question, “who am I?”
Sorry for the late reply.
July 20th, 2008 at 9:24 pm
[...] when I have a pen in my hand and I feel parchment on my fingertips. Seeing my handwriting on my journal makes it more personal even when the very thing that’s written down is most personal in [...]
July 24th, 2008 at 9:34 am
I’m sorry about your loss. But yes, it’s always good to start anew.
I’ve been keeping a journal since I was in third grade. My first diary was a small Little Twin Stars notebook, a present from my eldest sis.
I still write on my paper journal occasionally. But not as often as I used to. Maybe when I’m old and gray, I’ll write voraciously again.
BTW, I burned all of my old journals (from 1988 to 2004) in 2005. I just decided that I don’t want to keep hurtful memories anymore.
July 24th, 2008 at 10:00 am
Yea, losing something like a journal is like losing a part of yourself. But it’s true that, sometimes, it’s best to start fresh.
I don’t know when I’ll stop writing in journals. This has become a habit that I’ve grown to embrace with all my heart. It helps me a lot.
I don’t know if I’ll ever burn any of my journals. Perhaps when I’ve come to the point of understanding why I need to let these written memories go, I will.
August 5th, 2008 at 10:14 pm
[...] Street Lawyer by John Grisham and a Moleskine Ruled Notebook. Photo taken on June 2007. Also seen here. Feel free to subscribe to the SashaManuel.com Feed or get updates via [...]
October 4th, 2008 at 10:03 pm
[...] a big journal writer but this time, instead of resorting to pen and ink, I thought it’d be interesting to take a [...]