In All Directions
By The Parodist | February 5, 2008
Where am I going?
What do I believe in?
How do I feel?
I’ve been told in more than one occasion that I should never live in a de-militarised zone. Lukewarm is not acceptable. That I should learn that there is such a thing as right and wrong, both aren’t subjective. I was also advised that I should dream, set a goal. All because we ought to put some focus in our lives and not go wandering about it aimlessly.
This reminds me of something I told a friend earlier — I said that I have a rigid moral compass. Principles set such high expectations on others, more so on myself. If you fancy that I am hard on others, do consider that I’m more hard on myself, that I often see myself as a disappointment.
Where am I going?
In all honesty, I’ve had dreams. Crushed, mutilated and discarded. It has brought me to a point wherein I’d rather not dream at all for fear of further disappointment. I’ve then decided to just take in things one at a time. Live my life day after day without real thought of where I’m going to end up. I mean, I did try to control it but found out that it’s out of my hands — the rug got pulled under me — so why bother? Why hope? Why even try?
What do I believe in?
I had believed that one should do the right thing and avoid doing wrong. If you do the right thing, nothing bad will happen to you. If you do something wrong, you’ll be punished. Simple enough, am I right? But life, as it is, isn’t as just as we imagined. There are righteous people. There are selfish people. The scale won’t tip in your favour all the time. And how people would just size you up with how you see the glass, half empty or half full.
How do I feel?
Lost. Frustrated. Disappointed. Someone has even said I will never be happy. Perhaps that is my fate.
I’ve often wondered about the times when people pick on the faults of others, do they do it to make themselves look better? Also, about the motives that drive people to mask the reality of their lives, is it because they want others to think they’re perfect? Do you really think that you’ve got your act together? That you’re not screwed up in some way? Am I wrong to think that the only instance I find acceptable to look down on another person is when we are to extend a hand to help them get up from the ground?
Personally, I really don’t know what to do most of the time. Scares the hell out of me. I can’t help but feel I’m in danger of going in all directions without any hope of a way to sort things out. I do my best to cope, to please the people around me. I can only find comfort in the knowledge that I can and will get through it, as others before me have done. Or that death will come.
Topics: Mood Notes, Philosophy & Paradox |
February 6th, 2008 at 9:47 am
If you listen to what other people say about you all the time, then yes, you will find it difficult to find happiness. After all, why give anyone else that much power over your life? YOU are the ONLY ONE who can decide whether you will - or will never be - happy. If you accept someone else’s definition of your life, then yes, you’ve lost a big part of the battle.
Happiness is a decision only YOU can make.
Why care if other people keep looking down others? Why care if other people make themselves “look perfect”?
At the end of it all, whatever they say or do, don’t really matter. Their lives - and the way they decide to carry on with their lives - isn’t really something that you should put too much attention to. It’s what works for them - be it something you agree on or not. That’s everyone’s prerogative.
The real question is: How do you find a path, a direction that works for you - regardless of anyone else?
Often, one of the reasons that we find ourself lost is when we keep looking in other people’s directions. That’s *their* path to live and walk on. We need to find ours.
No one lives a ‘perfect’ life based on a universal definition. But we all can live our own perfect lives, based on what we define perfection to be.
February 6th, 2008 at 4:27 pm
Amen to that. It’s a good thing that happiness is subjective, or else we’ll all find ourselves getting frustrated with not meeting the standards of others.
February 7th, 2008 at 12:28 am
I sincerely think you will be able to find your place in the sun, Sasha.
I always think that those kind of people who have no thing else to do but pick on other people and bring them down are to be pitied upon - because they just can’t mind their own business, and even seek to hurt people because of their insecurities or competitive nature. Just be thankful that you aren’t that kind of person, and just grow, and live at your own pace. No pressure. Don’t mind the rest of the world. I guess we can attain happiness by just loving ourselves, appreciating ourselves more, and yun nga, giving up our “wide angle lenses” if proven to be detrimental to us ;))
February 9th, 2008 at 2:38 pm
A pensive post this is. Hope you feel better soon Sasha;)